Saturday, March 29, 2014

Your Child Is LGBT..It's Not The End Of The World!

I am not a parent of a Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender (LGBT) child, so I cannot say I understand what a parent of a LGBT child is going through. However, I have friends and family members who are and have children who are LGB so I can relate to a certain degree. Growing up I had friends who were gay and who were lesbians. A few of them told me and a few of them hid it from me. Why? I have no idea. What they failed to realize was I already knew, but I wanted them to tell me on their own.

It is on no account painless for mothers and fathers to find out that their son or daughter is a lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. Nor is it any easier for the child to tell their mother, father, friends or other family members that they are or may be a lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. I remember the day someone very close to me told me he was attracted to guys. He was so nervous. As he began to speak, he started stuttering and sweating bullets. After he finished speaking I did not respond right away. He said, “Well, are you going to say something”?

My response was, “Really! I am not surprised. I knew that since you were a little boy”.  We continued to talk for a while, but before our conversation ended I said to him, “Thank you for telling me. I can imagine it has been very difficult keeping that secret, in addition to, deciding who you were going to tell and when you were going to tell them. At the end of the day I support your decisions and I love you no matter who you are attracted to.  I believe at that moment he felt some relief knowing that I was not there to judge or scorn him. His main concern was how his parents were going to react when he decided to tell them.

Moving Right Along…..

It has been a few years since he “came out”. His parents say they accept him for who he is, yet he has been called a few names except the one he was given at birth. They even said he was an embarrassment. They were more concerned about what other people would say or think instead of how their son felt. My beloved friend needed the support of his parents and it was not being offered. There are much more things to be concerned about such as his happiness and safety. His parents need to know their son is the same person and his sexuality is just a part of of him. They should not allow the fact that he is gay define who he is.


My advice to the parents is open the lines of communication.  Talk to one another. Ask questions and Listen to what each other has to say. Seek education to gain a better Understanding of LGBT. Show love and support. They have to deal with a lot of judgment, ridicule, verbal and physical abuse from others in the world. They do not need to endure that from their loved ones.

Listed below are a few links to recommended LGBT online resources. They provide support the parents, family members and individuals who are LGBT.
Remember, you are not alone. There are several parents who have struggled, who are struggling and who will struggle with accepting the fact their child is a lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender.

I hope this has helped someone!!!!

Monday, March 24, 2014

Love YOURSELF First

I am a single parent of two wonderful brown girls. I want nothing but the best for them. However, I realize growing up in today’s society is not easy. It is completely different from when I was a child.  Young girls of every race will encounter similar challenges on a daily basis. These challenges consist of peer pressure, low self esteem, self worth, bullying, education, the expectations we as parents have set for them and let’s not forget self perception (body image, hair, fashion sense, sexuality, identity, etc). Several of these girls may encounter one if not all the challenges. Instead of enjoying their formative years, they are preoccupied with trying to fit into society’s expectations of how they should look.



Young girls of every race has some insecurities, but the media, social networking sites, and the community have made it very difficult for brown girls to accept, embrace and love their self for who they are. Commercials, TV shows, magazines, movies and videos persuade young girls they need to have perfect skin (even lighter skin), long flowing hair, thin lips and nose, small waste, big breast and big derrière to be accepted within society. This is a major issue for young impressionable girls. I have heard young girls say they dislike their nose, their hair, their shape and much more. What these girls fail to realize so many people would pay and have paid to have the features that God has given them. I strongly believe it takes a village to raise a child. As mothers, aunts, and sisters of young girls it is our responsibility to teach them to love and embrace themselves and their culture. Let them know they do not have to have long hair and light skin to be attractive. We are responsible for helping them identify their internal beauty which will enhance their external beauty. We have to learn to discover, develop and support their interests and development. 

It is my responsibility to teach my daughters to love and embrace their kinky hair, wide nose, full lips, etc. I am responsible for boosting their self esteem so they can know their worth and abilities. I raise my daughters to be proud of who they are. I let them know they do not have to compete with anyone because everyone is beautiful in their own way. Just as other parents, I have expectations for my daughters. I have learned each child is different and what may have worked for one may not work for the other. As a result of this, I had to develop and set separate expectations derived from the personality, ability, strengths interest, weakness and talent for my daughters. However, I expect and encourage both of them to do the best they can in school as well as in everything in which they participate. On a daily basis, I tell my daughters the following:
I love you for who you are and who you are becoming. Never let anyone define you; only you can define yourself. Never try to fit into someone else’s standards. Set your own standards and Let them fit into yours.



I have provided a three affirmations and a quote for each affirmation you can say and teach your daughters to say to themselves on a daily basis.

Value Yourself
      Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are. ~Malcolm S. Forbes
Accept Yourself
      To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept       yourself. ~Thich Nhat Hanh
Be True to Yourself
      Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation                  to be one.~Eleanor Roosevelt

I hope this helps someone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, March 17, 2014

Co-Parenting (with my youngest daughters’ father)

A lot had occurred throughout the relationship with my youngest daughters’ father.  I tried to forgive him for the things he said and did, but it was very hard to forgive him. At some point in the relationship, I was left feeling hurt, disappointed, frustrated and angry. These feelings began to affect my well being. As time passed and the longer we stayed together, those feelings turned into resentment. When my youngest daughters’ father and I parted ways, my children were thirteen and seven. Unfortunately, our relationship did not end on good terms. Nonetheless, I was optimistic that we would be able to collaborate as a team to raise our daughter.



Boy was I wrong. He wanted what he wanted when he wanted them. Things had to be done his way or no way. Talking to him was very stressful and draining. There have been times when a straightforward conversation turned into a shouting match. Sadly, we were not able to have a civilized telephone conversation. There have been many days that I felt the need to scream and shout especially when both parties involved are trying to reach an agreement. Co-parenting is not an easy task. It requires respect, communication, cooperation, commitment and consistency. During this chapter of my life, I have learned I cannot expect him to parent as I do. However, In order to make co-parenting a little easier I told him I needed the following:

Do not discuss our issues with our daughter
 Do not discuss me in a negative manner with our daughter
Do not have adult conversations with her about her mother
Do not send me messages via out daughter (if there is something that has to be said leave me a message I will return the call at my earliest convenience)
Spend as much time as possible with
Do not question her about what takes place in my household (she is safe, cared and loved for that is all that matters)

There have been times when he did not comply with my request which could have resulted in a verbal disagreement. Nevertheless, as each day goes by, I am learning to forgive him this allows me to discover a way to develop a harmonious relationship with my ex to co-parent effectively, move forward in my life and overlook certain situations by doing what is best for our daughter. Learning to co-parent can be difficult, but at the end of the day, our daughter requires both of us in her life.



I hope this helps someone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

A-Z Introduce yourself

Hello,

First I would like to say Thank You for stopping by my page.

I found this list on Spark People as I was searching the internet for nutrition, health, and fitness tools. I also saw a similar list on Good Reads and decided to merge the two lists to develop a list that worked for me. Nonetheless, I thought this would be a perfect way for everyone to get to know a few things about me, to connect with my readers, as well as to learn something about you. Please note, I don't own this and all rights go to whoever created it.

A - Age: 36
B - Book you are reading: Psychology of Aging
C - Chore you hate: Laundry
D - Dessert you love: Cake & Pie
E - Essential start your day item: Phone
F - Favorite color: Blue (all shades)
G - Game to play or watch: Candy Crush (play); Basketball (watch)
H - Hometown: Brooklyn, NY
I - Inside or outside: Inside
J - Job or Occupation: I work fulltime  in Managed Care; I am a fulltime student
K - Kittens or puppies: Puppies
L - Life is incomplete without: My daughters
M - Music group or singer: Fantasia, Ledisi, Joss Stone, Pink, J Moss, Mary Mary  (the list can go on & on; I love all kinds of music)
N - Nicknames: Lynn, Mika
O - Object on the right of you: The Bible
P - Phobias/fears: Fear of failing
Q - Quotes you like: I do it because i can, I can because I want to, I want to because you said I couldn't.
R - Right or left handed: right handed
S - Season: Summer
T - Time you woke up today: 6:00am
U - Unique thing about you: I belong to 3 honor societies
V - Vegetable you love: Broccoli; sweet potatoes
W - Worst habit: Holding on to things you need to let go of; Overlooking your true path and purpose
 X - X-rays you've had: Back, Knee
Y - Yummy food you make: Cakes and Pies
Z - Zodiac Sign: Virgo


Please copy and paste the blank list on your reply page and then fill in the answers about you. 
A - Age:
B - Book you are reading:
C - Chore you hate:
D - Dessert you love:
E - Essential start your day item:
F - Favorite author/ book:
G - Game to play or watch
H - Hometown:
I - Inside or outside:
J - Job or Occupation:
K - Kittens or puppies:
L - Life is incomplete without:
M - Music group or singer:
N - Nicknames:
O - Object on the right of you:
P – Phobias/fears:
Q - Quotes you like:
R - Right or left handed:
S - Season:
T - Time you woke up today:
U - Unique thing about you:
V - Vegetable you love:
W - Worst habit:
X - X-rays you've had:
Y - Yummy food you make:
Z - Zodiac Sign:

Thank you for participating.

Smooches!