Saturday, August 30, 2014

Why I Love Jesus

My sister called me out on Facebook to participate in the "Why I Love Jesus" challenge. I love Jesus because he first loved me. I love Jesus because he allowed me to see another day. He kept the blood running through my veins. He allowed my heart to continue beating. He allows me and my family to reach our destinations during the day and return home safely.

I was 6 or 7 years old when I was introduce to him. I was fascinated with him until my grandmother died. I was angry with him because he took the one person who I felt loved me the most who I loved the most away from me. As a child I questioned him. Why did so many leave me, walk out on me and turn their backs on me? Why did you take my grandmother away? I couldn't understand why and he did not provide me an answer. As a result, I turned my back on him.

For years I strayed away. Stopped going to church and reading the bible. Nonetheless, God kept me covered and wrapped his arms around me. There were times I felt alone, not realizing he was there all the time. I love him for never leaving or forsaking me. I have made some bad choices as a young adult. Some that I have not forgiven myself for, but he is a forgiving God. I love him because he never judged me when others judged me.

Growing up I could have been lost. I was on the road to destruction, but God is so good. He placed the right person in my life at the right time. I am forever grateful. God also gave me the greatest gifts ever, my daughter's. They are my blessings. Once I had my first child I decided to rekindle my relationship with God.

I am a single mom and there are day's when I want to throw in the towel. There are days when I have no idea how I manage to give them all they need as well as what they want. They are healthy, they dont give me to much trouble and they do well in school.at the end of the day I know it's nobody but Jesus.  Won't he do it. The enemy tried to attack my future, my household and my health, but I know a man who can fix all things. He fights my battles. So when I feel like giving up,  I remember why I held on for so long.

I thank him in advance for what he will do next in my life and my girls life. I thank him for what he has planned for my life and girls life.

Friday, August 29, 2014

Moving Forward

My life is like a roller coaster. It's full of ups, downs, twists, turns, rights and wrongs. Riding this roller coaster has often made me sick to my stomach. I have suffered from anxiety because I was apprehensive about what was waiting for me as I approached the next loop hole in my life. I have tried several techniques to teach myself to relax. Unfortunately, nothing has helped. I cannot relax. I do not know how to relax.

Everyday the Lord allows me to wake up is another day for me to get it right. I am not bound by my past. The decisions that I made yesterday do not determine who am I today or who I will be tomorrow. I can start over. I realize that everyone who says they only want the best for me really do not want what is best for me. They really want what's best for them even if it means hurting me. As a result, some of these people will not be in or apart of my life or my future.

I find myself apologizing for things that are not my fault or my issues. I find myself apologizing because someone else feels bad. I have decided, I will no longer apologize for someone else's mishaps. I will no longer apologize for:
  • being who I am
  • my feelings 
  • asking for what I want or need
  • my decisions
  • actions or reactions
  • telling the truth
  • saying no 
  • changing my mind
  • putting myself first (for once) 
Dr. Seuss said it best, "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind". Throughout my life, I have encountered some narcissistic, pompous, judgmental, insecure and undeserving people. It is not my responsibility to provide them with any explanation of situation that has occurred in my life.There are days when I want to scream. There are days when I have cried. I know God is going to move in my life. He has a greater plan. I will not be on this roller coaster for too long. So, instead of complaining or crying over my life's experiences, I will enjoy the ride. When it comes to a halt, I will be able to say that I weathered the storm and tomorrow will be a brighter day. I will be able to say how strong I am as well as how much I can endure. I am moving forward in all areas of my life with the help of God. 

After reflecting over all that has occurred in my life,  I Am Not Easily Broken!!!!!!!!  I am Moving Forward (without a few people), sitting still and waiting for God to send me a sign.


Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Waiting Patiently

I always wondered why I could not hear from God. Now I know why. I never sat still long enough to hear from him. I always spoke to him, but I never gave him the chance to respond. I never sat still long enough to hear from God. I like most people do not like to wait. Honestly, it is often frustrating. Unfortunately,  it's a part of life. I have learned that God does things on his time and not on my time. In order to see what God has planned for means my family, I have to be receptive. I have to withdraw from certain people, be calm, relax, be still and wait to hear from the Lord. 
So as my days go by, I am waiting quietly before God, for my hope is in him. I am waiting patiently for him to act, respond, guide me and move things around for me and my family. I am waiting expectantly while fully relying on and trusting God to help. Listed below are a few bible verses that I have been reading about being still. Hoepfulk y they may help you as they are helping me on a daily basis.
Be still so you won't miss the great things God is doing.
1 Samuel 12:16, Job 37:14  
Be still. It's the antidote to fretting.
Psalm 37:7 
Be still and know He is God.
Psalm 46:10  
Let Jesus rebuke your storms, "Peace, be still."
Mark 4:39

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Waiting on God

I woke up Sunday morning with a lot on my mind. I made a phone call only to be greeted with negativity. I felt bad afterwards. I couldn't figure out why this person was so angry. I know I did not say or do anything wrong. That morning, I had a talk with God, but it felt different from our usual talks. Afterwards, I decided to sit on the porch to listen and to wait.
What was I listening for? What was I waiting for? I was waiting to hear from HIM. I was listening for HIS voice. I talk to God often and I know he hears me when I speak. However, sometimes I feel like he is ignoring me. After waiting for what seemed like an eternity it happened. I heard him. He was responding to a few things I spoke to him about during my talk.

I heard him say, he allows situations to occur in my life for a reason. He moves people in and out of my life for a reason. I need to stop trying to fix things (people, places and things) that are probably meant to stay broken. Stop fighting people who are not willing to fight for you. Stop trying to keep people in your life who should not be in your life. Stop trying to keep people around who make you feel bad and or bring you down. Stop trying to do things on your own. That's not what I want for you. That's not what I have planned for you. Be still, have faith and trust me.

That day I learned I am fighting an internal battle on a daily basis.  I do not know how to slow down, be still or embrace quietness. I'm always on the go doing something. I live in a fast paced and noisy environment. This is what I know. This has been my life for so long, but I am ready for a change. I've been going back and forth for so long because I have to consider my daughter's.
My soul and spirit desires to hear God's voice during expected and unexpected times. My soul and spirit yearn to see what he has in store for my future, my life and my family. However,  I need to be still and let God handle all things. He knows my heart. I believe and know God will work it out in my favor.