Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Goodbye 2014 Welcome 2015

In less than one hour 2014 will be over. This year I was tested a lot. I often fell to my knees in prayer. My faith was tested to the maximum. There were times when I wanted to throw in the towel and end it all. You see Satan (the devil) was working overtime. He was coming at me from every angel. Every time I overcame one hurdle he threw another one in front of me. 

I had to go back and forth to court with my daughters father which left me drained. Co-parenting is already a difficult task. It is even more difficult when the noncustodial parent refuses to communicate. It is more difficult when the noncustodial parent communicates through the child. It is very difficult when the noncustodial parent does not know or refuses be cordial. I had to withdraw from college. Her father stated "I can't watch her on the weekends". My response was, you are not "watching her" because she is your child. So as a result I withdrew. I have so much to say about this, but I will save it for another time. I overcame those two hurdles.

If that was not enough, there's more to come. Satan could deal with defeat. I weathered the previous storm and survived. He was unhappy so he began attacking my health. Due to my family history I was beyond scared. Immediately, my thoughts went to my daughters. I pray often, but I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. I called my biological mom and she prayed for me. I went to my (second) mother and my grandfather and we prayed. During that time God reminded me who was God. Eventually I told my sister's. I went to work everyday with a smile on my face and no one knew what I was going through. I am happy to say that Satan lost that battle too. I will also share that story with you at another time. Then my job was stressing me out. You know, being overworked, underpaid and unappreciated. I know stress is inevitable, but some stress I brought on myself. I allowed myself to be abused. I allowed myself to be the dumping ground for other people when they were going through something. When I needed someone to talk to no one was there.

I tolerated so much from people which is something I vowed never to do again and I did. I tried to be reasonable and give people the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately, my niceness was taken for granted. It was used and abused to the fullest extent. I have dealt with people and their undiagnosed bipolar disorders, mood swings, undiagnosed schizophrenia and so much more. In the long run, I was the one being physically and emotionally affected by their mess. I am not going to endure any bullsnoozy from anyone. I have a new perspective of my life and the people around me. I considered everyone's feelings, yet no one has considered my feelings. I will not have a problem walking away from anyone and everyone. No one is exempt. I have decided if someone is taking away from my entire being (emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, etc) then I do not want to associate with them at all in anyway.

I am looking forward to all that is to come in 2015. I do not make new year resolutions. Nonetheless, I have a few personal goals that I will pursue. I look forward to growing my blog and grow in all areas of my life as well as in my faith. The mind is the devils playground and I have had a few weak moments in my life. I allowed the devil to rent space and place things in my mind that had no business being there. I believe in God and Satan despises anyone who who chooses to seek God. Satan's goal was to seek and destroy me by any means necessary.  If I did not know God, or know how to pray and hold on during trials and tribulations would not be here today. There were times when I almost let go, nonetheless, I am here and alive today because God kept me. I am here to tell you don't give up. Fully Rely On God (F.R.O.G) and Pray Until Something Happens (P.U.S.H) Prayer changes things. Remain hopeful. I know I have. Whenever doubt creeps in my mind, I look at my arm "Hope Anchors My Soul". 
My Tattoo: Hope Anchors My Soul Heb 6:19, 1st Corinthian 13:13
I look forward to what's in store for 2015 and I cannot wait to take this journey with you. Smooches!!!!!!!! See you in 2015.

Friday, December 5, 2014

Liar Liar Book Review

Liar, Liar by Latrese Carter is consumed with secrets, lies, deceit, disrespect and infidelity. Childhood friends Stormy Knight and Camden Brooks paths crossed again when Camden decided to move from New York City back to his hometown. Camden Brooks came from a very good home. His father (Reverend Brooks) and mother were Pastor and First Lady of a well know church. As a result of this, Camden was labeled a church kid and everyone expected him to live and behave in a certain manner. Eventually, Camden could no longer live with the pressure of being the son of a pastor. So when it was time for him to apply to college he decided he would go to school out of state. This would allow him to reveal who he "really"was.

As time passed they began to date and their relationship was going very well. At least this is what Stormy believed until a secret is revealed to her that will change her life forever. She had no idea that she was being used in what Camden thought was a great scheme. Eventually, Camden asked Stormy to marry him and she happily accepted his proposal. A few months passed and stormy began to prepare for her wedding. One day she received a call from her cousin who informed her that Camden was cheating on her. Not only was he cheating on her, he was cheating on her with another man. A man that they both knew very well from their church. As expected, Stormy was in shock and denial. She did not want to believe her fiance was cheating on her. She definitely did not want to believe he was cheating on her with another man. Stormy confronted Camden and of course  he lied. It is not until she requests a meeting with his father Reverend Brooks that the truth is revealed. As a result, Reverend Brooks states he will not perform the wedding ceremony because his son unsuitable for marriage.

Time passes and Reverend Brooks informs Stormy that Camden has been delivered. He is no longer attracted to men. Stormy believed him and decided to give Camden a second. They started dating again and then she married him. A few months into their marriage Camden realized he made a mistake marrying Stormy. Camden was back to his old habits. Just like an addict he resumed his homosexual relationship with the same church member. If that is not enough, a blast from his past is determined to ruin and possible end his life.
via Best Quotes
 Camden did not care about anyone but himself. He did not think about how his actions would affect everyone in his life. He did not care who was hurt as long as he received what he wanted that was all that mattered. Stormy doubted Camden was a changed man. Nonetheless, she married him anyway.  As I read this book, I could not understand why Stormy did not trust her instincts. I asked myself why would she marry Camden knowing he lied about who he was and his lifestyle? Why was she willing to settle? What else would she have to endure for her to realize her worth? When was she going to walk away? As I came to the end of the book, I was also asking myself the very same questions. I was forced to reflect on and examine my very own friendships and relationship.

As women, we have to want the best for us. We need to learn when to walk away from relationships and situations that are not good for us. We have to remind ourselves of our worth. We deserve to be loved and treated with respect. We have to to stop settling for less that what we deserve. We are worth the effort. Read the book if you want to find out how the story ended?

“Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake & help us see we are worth so much more than we're settling for.”---Mandy Hale