Dear Diary: My Life Raising Brown Girls

Happy Sunday. I am up and getting ready for church. I have been going through a storm for a while. Nonetheless, I still smile. I will not complain. I will remain to myself and fight the good fight. I  know at the end of the day God will sustain me while I am in the in between time. I have also had an internal battle and yesterday at Emmanuel Baptist Church, I was reminded "There is no room for joy and happiness if you carry around bitterness, anger, hatred and negativity". I am not bitter. Nor do I have hatred for anyone. I do have a strong dislike for certain people. However, I'll be the first to say that I am angry about a few things and disappointed with a few people. I will also say that I have a very hard time trusting people. I am disappointed with a few of my family members. I am disappointed with myself because I expect family and friends to react to or do things the way I would react to or do things. I put feelings my personal feelings aside and rise to the occ

Today, I will be the one venting and please do not judge me.  I am sure I am not the only one who has felt this way. However, I am the only one who choses to speak on it. I will give you all a synopsis. I have a 19 year old and 13 year old. They are like night and day. For the past few days, my 13 year has been getting on my last nerve. So much so, today I wanted to pop her in the mouth because she thinks she is suppose to have the last word. Instead I raised my voice an octave and put the fear of God in her.  I ended with the statement, "I  don't know who you think you are talking to, but I am not one of your friends. Do not play with me little girl. Consider this your warning". I went into my internal mommy space and had a woosah moment. I had a talk with myself. I said to myself, "Girl, I am glad you did not pop your daughter in the mouth. You know why she is lashing out. Now you have to find a way to deal with the issue at hand. You have to remain calm s