Dear Diary: My Life Raising Brown Girls

Yesterday, I was..... A writer with no words to write  An author with nothing to publish  An artist with a blank canvas  A singer without a song to sing  A runner, with no sense of direction and going nowhere fast An athlete with no game to play  A teacher who has nothing to teach  Guarded and afraid to love another man A parent who felt unsure as I faced problem and challenges of motherhood I was a prisoner of my past Living in fear Today, I am..... A writer who has much to say  An author who will tell her story An artist who has created the vision I want for my life A singer with a song in my heart and praise in my mouth.  Taking the necessary steps to move my life in a more meaningful direction Learning to succeed at this game called life  A mother who taught her daughters to love themselves mind, body and soul A mother who taught her daughters to surround themselves with positive people  Vulnerable and willing to take the risk of loving again Learning fro

To be a mother at 16 was not an easy task I am sure you were frightened and did not know what to do You probably cried day and night, but you had to see this journey through My father said I was not his and for both you and me it was a horrible day Unlike him, you did not have the option to turn and walk away Nine months later I entered the world They swaddled me in cloth and introduced you to your baby girl There were many nights you did not get much sleep There were good times and bad times, regardless I was yours to keep We have had disagreements, but with prayer and the will of God, we made it through The sun did not shine always and there were several days of rain With God’s grace and mercy together we crossed milestones and we made it through the pain Thank you for giving me life and being my eyes when I could not see Thank you for your encouragement and believing i

Happy Sunday. I am up and getting ready for church. I have been going through a storm for a while. Nonetheless, I still smile. I will not complain. I will remain to myself and fight the good fight. I  know at the end of the day God will sustain me while I am in the in between time. I have also had an internal battle and yesterday at Emmanuel Baptist Church, I was reminded "There is no room for joy and happiness if you carry around bitterness, anger, hatred and negativity". I am not bitter. Nor do I have hatred for anyone. I do have a strong dislike for certain people. However, I'll be the first to say that I am angry about a few things and disappointed with a few people. I will also say that I have a very hard time trusting people. I am disappointed with a few of my family members. I am disappointed with myself because I expect family and friends to react to or do things the way I would react to or do things. I put feelings my personal feelings aside and rise to the occ

Today, I will be the one venting and please do not judge me.  I am sure I am not the only one who has felt this way. However, I am the only one who choses to speak on it. I will give you all a synopsis. I have a 19 year old and 13 year old. They are like night and day. For the past few days, my 13 year has been getting on my last nerve. So much so, today I wanted to pop her in the mouth because she thinks she is suppose to have the last word. Instead I raised my voice an octave and put the fear of God in her.  I ended with the statement, "I  don't know who you think you are talking to, but I am not one of your friends. Do not play with me little girl. Consider this your warning". I went into my internal mommy space and had a woosah moment. I had a talk with myself. I said to myself, "Girl, I am glad you did not pop your daughter in the mouth. You know why she is lashing out. Now you have to find a way to deal with the issue at hand. You have to remain calm s