Skip to main content

Because Of You

Dear Father,

I am a mess because of you. 

I have trust issues because of you. You were not there to give me a reason to trust you. Due to your actions or lack there of, I have had a challenging time trusting the man in my life. 

I am in love with a wonderful man. I loveee me some him, but I have issues because of you.

I cannot love and trust him the way I want to because of you. 

I look for reassurance to feel at peace with myself and in my relationship because of you.

I have placed the responsibility on him to be my everything because of you. I am sensitive to rejection because of you. 

I have endured a life of fear of being abandoned and due to that, I have become anxious and clingy in my relationship because of you. 

I am waiting on day that he decides to leave, walk out and abandon me because I cannot understand why he would stay; Because you my father walked out before knowing me. In was left abandoned. I was an after thought.

You were supposed to be there because I was your creation. I was YOUR child, your daughter, a part of you.

I am hurt. I am broken. I am miserable and I am frustrated with my myself because of you. I am conflicted and filled with unrest because of you. 

I am at war with myself and with him because of you. I am emotionally at odds with myself and others because of you. 

I so wanted to have a father and be a daddy’s girl. My mother’s father, my grandfather was my father. He was my life and I meant everything to him. 

Unfortunately, our relationship is not the same and it bothers me. It is like a piece of me has died. Again, it has to do with trust.

I struggle with the thought that I am worthy of being loved and receiving love because of you. In my eyes, it looked like I was not worth fighting for.

While all the above has caused a long-lasting impact on my life, I am working hard, striving to improve, to heal and move forward in my life.  


Popular posts from this blog

Your Child Is LGBT..It's Not The End Of The World!

I am not a parent of a Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender (LGBT) child, so I cannot say I understand what a parent of a LGBT child is going through. However, I have friends and family members who are and have children who are LGB so I can relate to a certain degree. Growing up I had friends who were gay and who were lesbians. A few of them told me and a few of them hid it from me. Why? I have no idea. What they failed to realize was I already knew, but I wanted them to tell me on their own. It is on no account painless for mothers and fathers to find out that their son or daughter is a lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. Nor is it any easier for the child to tell their mother, father, friends or other family members that they are or may be a lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. I remember the day someone very close to me told me he was attracted to guys. He was so nervous. As he began to speak, he started stuttering and sweating bullets. After he finished speaking I did no

A Prayer for My Brown Girls

One of my prayers for my daughter's is that God continues to guide them as they navigate through life. I pray that they will be surrounded by and interact with like minded individuals. I pray they really know and understand that the decisions they make today not only will have impact today or tomorrow but also in the future. I pray that God continues to open doors, the right doors for them as well as close the wrong ones.  I ask God to protect them from anyone who seeks to do harm unto them. Protect them for hurt, harm  and dangers known and unknown. I pray that they always put their faith and trust in him. Continue to strive for greatness and do their best in all that they do.  “When you have faith in God, you don’t have to worry about the future. You just know it’s all in His hands. You just go to and do your best.” -unknown

Brooklyn United Music and Arts Program is Homeless

Press Release Brooklyn United (BU) is one of Brooklyn’s most effective Music and Arts Programs . It is a program that offers a creative and safe space for minority inner-city youth. Throughout the years, the program has operated out of churches and other dance studios. During their time at these establishments, BU has been, and continues to be, an inspiration to all who have had a face-to- face encounter or have seen them perform. Residing in New York city, the youth face several challenges and dangers. We all know that an idle mind and too much (unsupervised) free time can change the trajectory of their lives. Brooklyn United has provided an alternative to spending so much time unsupervised. While operating out of the establishments previously mentioned,  Brooklyn United  has been able to offer an afterschool program, Saturday program, programming during school b reaks, Summer camp and more for inner-city youth. During the school year, Brooklyn United offers homework assistance to yo