Skip to main content

Letter To My Absent Father

I did not get a chance to post this yesterday. Today is Day 2 of my process. Writing has always been beneficial to my psychological well being. Throughout my life writing has allowed me to express what I needed to say when I felt I had no voice.  Although I know my "absent father" and I will never come face to face, I decided to write him letter. I have written him several letters and today I will share one with you.

Dear Father,

To you I was of no value I guess I had no worth

If I did you would not have denied me from birth

You never reached out to me not even to explain

You have no idea how you scarred me I was filled with so much pain

Until TODAY I've held this inside and for so long I went through it alone

TODAY, I cried because you have not been in my life and I am already grown

So many things have happened that you did not get a chance to see

You have missed out on so many things and not only me

By the way, you have two amazing granddaughters you may never get to meet

Growing up I always wondered why you didn't search for me

I know there wasn't anything wrong with your hands or you feet

Eventually, the time will come when you have to face the truth

The first step is to admit you played a part in my existence when you were in your youth

For so long I was angry with you and I took it out on the world

I felt I was robbed of the opportunity to be daddy’s little girl

The truth is I am done crying, Mary Mary said it best... I cried my last tears

I have allowed this to paralyze my life for too many years

I have accepted the fact that you and I will never be

I have come to terms with my reality

If it were left up to me I would throw you in a hole

But instead I pray that the Lord Jesus Christ has mercy on your soul


One Day At A Time


Several things in life can and will have an impact on your life. 

However, being motherless or fatherless can leave a hole in your soul. It will not heal quickly nor will it heal easily. 


With that being said,

I have FAITH and I am fully relying on God instead of 
myself to help me throughout this process and my journey.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Who Do You Identify With In The Sea Of Life?

While attending Medgar Evers College , I was introduced to the worlds renowned author  Ms. Iyanla Vanzant . My public speaking professor began each class with a daily meditation from Acts of Faith which was authored by Ms. Vanzant. Eventually, I purchased this book and a few others. Years later, I continue to read the Acts of Faith. Photo Credit: RaisingBrownGirls While sitting at my desk, I turned to today's meditation and my eyes made it's way to the bottom of the page. The message stated "I know who I am in the sea of life." After reading it, I reversed it and asked myself two questions. "Do you know who you are in the sea of life?" "Who do you identify with in the sea of life?" My eyes scrolled back to the top of the page and I began to read today's daily meditation. As I am reading, I realize I have encountered almost every fish that was mentioned. This made me think about the people I have crossed paths with in the past,

A Rainbow of My Own

While sitting in the middle of my bed after waking up for the second time today, guess what I saw on my bedroom wall? A rainbow. Before you ask, no there was nothing in my window and there was nothing on my television stand that allowed any sort of reflection. I was baffled and amazed. Yet I continued to stare at it until it faded. I believe it was God's way of getting my attention. His way of communicating and relaying his message to me. There have been days when life seems to get the best of me. I have so much on my mind. It seems as though it is constantly racing. It never slows down or stop. As a result, I often have sleepless nights. There have been times when I wanted to give up which was the easiest thing to do. However, I know that quitting is never an option and not the example I want to set for my two brown girls. I know it is only because of God's grace that my strength grows and I can move forward. I often pray and talk to God. However, I have been prayin

She Did It Without Him

For the past two weeks, Nyasia has been preparing for this day. She had practice every day after school from 6pm -7:30pm and two Super Saturday rehearsals from 9am-1pm. This rehearsal includes the marching band and her dance mates who only attend the performing arts program after school and on Saturdays. During this rehearsal, the entire performing arts program and the band practice the routine together. Today is the day. It is one of the most important days of her life. Nyasia spent all her time rehearsing afterschool and out home. She along with her bandmates from The Brooklyn United Marching Band (BU) performed at the Nets vs Knicks halftime show. This was her first time performing at such a large venue. She was excited and scared at the same time. I was thrilled to be there to support her and provide her words of encouragement and comfort during our commute to the venue.  The call time was at 11:30am. I awoke at 7:30am to prepare myself. At 8:30am I begin preparing, chec