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On the Road to Recovery

I honestly thought I was over this, but yesterday I realized I never addressed the issue what I did was suppress the issue. This past Sunday I went to church with a heavy heart. I was raised in the church and as an adult I attend church often. However, the last year or so, I fell off the wagon and I have not been attending as often as I should. This Sunday was different. I went with a different purpose. I refused to leave the house of the Lord without releasing one of many things that has held me hostage all of my life... my nonexistent relationship with my father.

The sermon was great. Ironically, the topic was "Are You Just Like Your Father"? I thought about that question during and after the sermon. That is one of several questions that I cannot answer. It was during the sermon I realized I was a prisoner that I am free, but I live behind bars. Certain areas of my life have been affected by failed relationships (whether friendships, family or significant other). Today I will start with what I believed to be the start of my issues.

If I would have had a relationship with him, I think all of my relationships (as stated above) would have had different results. I have acknowledged the absence of my father has affected my life, but it's time that I rise up and break every chain. At the end of the service, I sought out the person that my spirit led me to...Rev. Smith-Wright. Although the service was over, Reverend Smith-Wright took the time to listen to me, talk to me and provide me insight. I needed to talk to someone who knows nothing about me will not judge me and can be neutral. I am proud to say that after talking, crying and praying about everything I/we are on the road to recovery and forgiveness.

Yesterday I decided to take back my life. I must accept all aspects of ME and to do that I must accept and live in my truth. Today is the first day of my recovery and I will accept my truth. For those of you who do not know me, my name is Lyndia. I'm going to be a little vulnerable and let you all into an area of my life that I refused to deal with until now.

They say the first step to recovery is to admit and accept there is a problem. My truth is:

  • I am 36 years old and I am a daddy less daughter. 
  • I think about what it would have been like had he been there
  • I have abandonment issues (feeling of guilt and  an occasional feeling of worthlessness)
  • I have trust issues (I don't trust too many people)
Because I have some resentment and bitterness about certain issues in my life, it has been a struggle to find happiness (outside of my daughters). During my journey of forgiveness, I will let go of grudges, bitterness and resentment. I will forgive my self and others. I will keep you posted as I embark on this road of recovery forgiveness and emotional freedom. 


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